I'd Like to Buy the World a Marketing Campaign

No post last night. I was too tired. Bad me. No donut.

The latest trend in advertising is starting to annoy me. Remember when commercials had jingles? Not so much anymore. Now it seems that the guys in the marketing boardroom find it easier to license songs and just play them underneath the video. It is a disturbing trend when you realize you can't listen to Bob Seger's "Like a Rock" without wanting to drive your Chevy pickup offroad through the mud. Or hear The Steve Miller Band's "Fly Like an Eagle" and remember you have to stop at the Post Office on the way home.

Remember when Nike licensed the Beatles' "Revolution" and everyone thought it was the end of civilization as we knew it? Does anyone even notice that Phillips Electronics has been using a bad cover of "Getting Better" as a tag line for a few years now? John Lennon must be spinning in his grave.

Most companies have used pre-recorded music once or twice, but there are a few companies out there that are repeat offenders, and they're the ones that drive me nuts...

The Gap - Ever since I saw that damn commercial with the swing kids dancing to Louis Prima's "Jump, Jive, An' Wail" I realized the inherent evil of khakis. Khakis do not swing, nor do they rock, or anything else they tried to convince us of during that marketing campaign. Not even if you use Bill Withers, Crystal Method, and Dwight Yoakam. This was followed by the godawful "artists" holiday campaign. I do not want Everclear selling me jeans. (But wait! It gets worse!) Next up? The dreaded "Everybody in" commercials. A group of bored models singing Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough" doesn't make me want to buy a leather coat. And don't even start with the "Are You a Jeans or a Khaki" campaign that ripped off West Side Story. I think the best take on this whole atrocity is the video for Rage Against the Machine's "Guerilla Radio," with Zach de la Rocha standing like one of the bored bad-singing models during the intro before he tears a hole in your speakers with his lyrics. Everyone in denial, indeed.

Apple - Why is Barry White selling me an iBook? And did Miles Davis say it was OK to use "Flamenco Sketches?" And yes, we're all aware of the fact that those pretty new iMacs are available in an array of colors. Did you have to drop a big giant anvil on our heads by using the Rolling Stones' "She's a Rainbow" to drive that point home? (Apparently the Stones don't know which computer they prefer, since "Start Me Up" was the Microsoft Windows 95 theme. Maybe Mick got a little worried about the current legal proceedings and sided with Steve Jobs.)

Burger King - Or rather the King of Raiding the Oldies Section. When I was working in a music store a few years ago, people would come in asking for "that Burger King song" and sing the chorus of Modern English's "I Melt with You." That was scary enough. But "King of the Road" to sell Croissanwiches? Hot Chocolate's "You Sexy Thing" to push chicken sandwiches? Enough already.

Mitsubishi - I cannot listen to Groove Armada's "I See You Baby" without wanting to drive Nash's Eclipse Spyder. 'Nuff said. They also used Republica's "Ready to Go" and I think they capitalized on the fact that Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life" was big again with the success of Trainspotting. But the Groove Armada thing drives me nuts, especially since they edited it and changed "shaking that ass" to "shaking that thang." (I'm listening to this song right now, and all I can see is that car cornering in black and white. But it's a little blurry, because I'm dancing in my chair. Hee.)

Tampax - Feminine hygiene commercials are bad enough. But do we really need to hear the Dazz Band's "Let It Whip" while some drum and bugle corps gets down and gets funky, only to be reminded "Tampax Was There?"

Nissan -The big offender! To market their various models of automobiles, they have besieged us with a lengthy list of semi well known songs: Seal's "Crazy," The Smithereens' "Blood and Roses," The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again," and The Smiths' "How Soon is Now" (2000 Maxima), The Cult's "She Sells Sanctuary,"Blur's "Song 2" (better known as the "whoo hoo!" song), Smash Mouth's "Then the Morning Comes," and the Breeders' "Cannonball" (2000 Sentra), Lenny Kravitz's "Fly Away" (2000 XTerra), The Who's "Baba O'Reily" (2000 Pathfinder), and Stone Temple Pilots' "Wicked Garden" for their "next frontier" commercials. The latest entry is Rush's "Tom Sawyer" for one of the new models. Thanks, Nissan. Thanks for raiding my record collection and trivializing it into a nifty marketing tool.

Volkswagen - Three words. "Da Da Da." Two more words. Stinky chair. Or how about that fact that I can now guarantee that I will hear Styx's "Mr. Roboto" at least once a week on TV? One commercial was so successful (the 1996 Jetta "Drivers Wanted" campaign that used Clannad's "Harry's Game") that the band put a sticker on the CD to let people know that this was the song from the VW commerical.

Volkswagen has also used a ton of more obscure songs to sell their new Beetles, but this I find kind of amusing. Mainstream radio won't touch Stereolab, Spiritualized, Fluke, The Orb, or Hooverphonic, but we can use them to hawk those cute little cars. And the same can be said for the whole electronica genre. America didn't fully embrace the whole scene, but Kodak decided Fatboy Slim could sell disposable cameras. Hell, Moby licensed every song off Play for commercial use. I've heard songs on The X Files, Charmed, Nike commercials (the one with Tiger Woods playing golf on the streets of New York), and even NPR's All Thing Considered.

I guess it's not such a new phenomenon. I'm sure this has gone on since the commercial was invented. Maybe I'm just noticing it. Maybe I pay a bit too much attention to the music in ads (and movies and TV). But it just kind of bothers me that I want to shop at Pier One if I hear "Let Your Love Flow" on the soft rock station. Even classical music isn't safe. I hear Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue" and I'm booking trips on United Airlines. I hear Aaron Copland's "Rodeo" and I'm mentally filling in the line "Beef - it's what's for dinner!" And the chorus of "(You Make Me Feel Like a) Natural Woman" really makes me want to wash my hair with an herbal shampoo. Yikes. Guess those marketing guys earned their degrees after all.

But I miss the jingle. They're fun; they're catchy. I can pretty much guarantee that I will never forget the telephone number for LaRosa's if I want to order a pizza. And what about all the people who got their start in advertising jingles? Without jingles, we'd have no Luther Vandross. Or Barry Manilow.

Hang on. Considering that last one, maybe it's best that the jingle is dead. I'm going to go dance to some Basement Jaxx and drink a Coke, while I'm putting on my Revlon makeup to "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!" I'm such a consumer.