Monday, November 29, 2004

Purple Bar Fever



The number for the day is 50,601.

Yes, that's right. I actually passed the 50,000 word mark on my NaNoWriMo at 9:09 pm this evening. After four years of trying and three years of crashing and burning, I have finally completed a novel.

Granted, the pacing is all over the place and there are chapters that are semi-brilliant followed by chapters of absolute crap. There's a mostly failed metafictional angle that I need to figure out how to fix, if only for the fact that it resulted in one of the funniest chapters I have ever written. (My characters leave the story, park their car at the foot of my bed, and tell me everything that's wrong with my plot. They then demand a fun scene, and spend the next thousand or so words getting drunk and playing Trivial Pursuit.)

When I started writing this year's attempt, I had every intention to write absolute crap, something that I would keep until it was validated, then laugh with glee as I deleted it from existance. Looking back upon it, I realize that there are actually some redeemable passages in my manuscript. Yes, there are at least 5000 words that need to be thrown out immediately, but there are several places where I can see adding details and extra scenes, two-dimensional characters that could be padded out to make them somewhat believable. It would require some major overhauling and a road trip to a state park two hours away to clear up some details that I guessed at from vague information on the internet, but I could possibly pull a decent story out of this. One that I wouldn't be ashamed to let other people read... who'd a thunk it?

(Sorry, had to take a break, as iTunes was playing "Mrs. Robinson" by Simon and Garfunkel, and I had to shake my groove thing, then seek out the Lemonheads version for the juxtaposition. The shufflemonkeys are being kind to me, and selecting happy happy songs while I celebrate my novel's completion. There's nothing like opening the individual sized bottle of champagne while the computer blares R.E.M.'s "Superman.")

Yes, the end scene is 80s teen movie treacle. Yes, my villian comes very close to monologuing (guess who saw The Incredibles yesterday?) and bears more than a passing resemblance to Agent Smith from The Matrix trilogy. (I even pictured Hugo Weaving sneering the lines as I wrote them, and had to resist giving him sunglasses more than once.)

All in all, the whole thing is a big giant mess. But it's done, and I will be downloading my winner's certificate tomorrow.

For your amusement, I compiled a list of things I researched while I was writing. Enjoy!

    tinfoil hats
    witchcraft trials in Ohio
    cave systems in Hocking Hills State Park
    Hanging Rock Iron Region
    parts of a knife
    Rosicrucians
    locations of Meijer stores in the Kettering area
    how to signal a horse to stop
    parts of a bridle
    quotes from Toy Story
    transcript of Jon Stewart's appearance on Crossfire
    lyrics to Elliott Smith songs
    lyrics to "Margaritaville"
    type of European camper vans
    Sheila James Kuehl's biography
    arteriovenous malformations
    Waffle House menus
    locations of Spaghetti Warehouse near Dayton
    script to The Breakfast Club (because IMDB quotes let me down)
    MacGillycuddy's Reeks
    the effects and duration of sodium pentathol
    quotes from The Iron Giant
    hemostat forceps
    Jospeh Campbell's description of the Hero cycle (long since abandoned)
    CIA mind control experiments (not used)
    remote viewing
    Tae Bo
    name origins, mostly Irish
    various and sundry Trivial Pursuit questions
    history of Haydenville, Ohio
    butterfly effect
    lyrics to Muse songs


Thanks for everyone's support. I couldn't have done it without you. (And for those of you still writing... Go! Go! Go! I'm at the finish line, cheering you on!

Friday, November 12, 2004

Chapter Thirteen



I'd fallen behind on my word count for NaNoWriMo. Life, as usual, had gotten in the way. Despite the fact that work had been incredibly slow, there'd always been a daily mini-crisis popping up to prevent me from working on things. Plus I really wasn't sure what the hell I was writing. I'd chucked my original plot out the window on the second day, and started fresh with new characters and a completely ludricrous plot about a slacker psychic and a government conspiracy and uncommunicative boyfriends. It was absolute crap. Perfect for NaNo, right?

I fluctuated between days of writing my ass off and days of just staring blankly at the manuscript with no idea where to go with it.

Not a big deal, I figured.

Last night, I had a brainstorm on the way home from work that actually made the plot work and would probably carry me through to the 50K mark. Granted, it was still crap. I scribbled down a few notes in my project folder and lost myself in a really bad episode of CSI and a really good episode of Without a Trace.

Friday night, I told myself. Friday night I would write. I would do 10,000 words in a weekend and get back on track.

7:30, Friday night. I went on an emergency mission of mercy to feed Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern's cats. I envisioned the next few chapters in my novel, heard the dialogue in my head, saw the cheesy chase scene. Brilliant!

(I also realized I was writing a bad X Files episode. Well, if Mulder and Scully were twenty-something slackers instead of FBI agents, and Scully was psychic, and the episode had been written by Jerry Bruckheimer, Joss Whedon, and Kevin Smith. And they'd all smoked a giant bag of crack before they pitched it.)

I drove home, opened a bottle of Gallo Café Zinfandel, changed into comfy clothes, and settled down to make more notes while I watched Joan of Arcadia. At 9:00, I would write.

I started sobbing my eyes out around 8:35. I didn't stop until about 9:15. Have I mentioned how brilliant Joan of Arcadia is?

They killed off a character that I've hated since the moment they introduced her. I saw the death scene coming a mile away. I called the cute Gift of the Magi-esque scene between Luke and Grace. I saw the Hamlet references coming. I swooned at the cuteness of Joan and Adam's first real date, complete with Joan's mom trying to hold back the tears. I even called the appearance of DogWalkerGod as soon as I heard the distant barks in the climactic end scene. (DogWalkerGod is played by Russ Tamblyn. He was Riff in West Side Story and Gideon in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. He was Dr. Jacoby in Twin Peaks. He's also Amber Tamblyn's dad - she's the eponymous Joan.)

And they used Warren Zevon's "Keep Me in Your Heart" for that last climactic scene. That song alone makes me sob.

That's good writing folks. Yes, I cry at the crop of a hat, but I was sobbing loudly for the last fifteen minutes of that show. Ma Huang actually came in to check on me. (He seems to do that when I'm visibly upset about things. Kismet, on the other hand, couldn't care less.)

And now it's after 10:00, and I'm trying to pull myself together out of the sorrow that I'm feelig over a bunch of imaginary characters on TV so I can write my imaginary characters into the worst chase scene ever.

I just wish that Rhapsody would stop playing blocks of Elliott Smith songs. Stupid shufflemonkeys, I'm depressed enough already!

14, 548 words down. Back into the fray....

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

VOTE!



From Michael Moore's website, sent to me via email from samiam:

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11/1/04

Friends,

This is it. ONE DAY LEFT. There are many things I’d like to say. I’ve been on the road getting out the vote for 51 straight days so I haven’t had much time to write. So I’ve put together a bunch of notes to various groups all in this one letter. Please feel free to copy and send whatever portions are appropriate to your friends and family as you spend these last 24 hours trying to convince whomever you can to show up and vote for John Kerry.

Here are my final words…

To Decent Conservatives and Recovering Republicans:

In your heart of hearts you know Bush is a miserable failure. From having no plan on what to do in Iraq once he conquered Baghdad to the 380 missing tons of explosives that could be used to kill our brave young men and women, this guy doesn’t have a clue how to fight and win a war. You should see the mail I’ve been getting lately from our troops over there. They know how much the Iraqi people hate them. They are sitting ducks anytime they go out on the road. Many believe we are not that far away from a Tet-style offensive inside the Green Zone with hundreds of Americans and Brits killed.

Bush refused to go after and capture Osama bin Laden. He fought, every step of the way, the investigation into the 9/11 attacks. Who on earth would oppose such a thing? If 3,000 people died at your place of work and your boss said we don’t need to find out why or how it happened, he’d be thrown out on his ear. Bush’s behavior after this great tragedy alone is reason enough for his removal.

You already know that George W. Bush is the farthest thing from a conservative. He’s a reckless spender who has run up record-breaking deficits and the biggest debt in our history. He believes in having the government pry into everything from your library records to your bedroom. He has hit you with hidden taxes with his tax cuts for the rich.

I know many of you don’t like Bush, but are unsure of Kerry. Give the new guy a chance. He won’t raise your taxes (unless you are super-rich), he won’t take your hunting gun away, and he won’t make you visit France. He risked his life for you many years ago. He’s asking for the chance to do it again. Scott McConnell at The American Conservative magazine has endorsed him. What more do you need?

To My Friends on the Left:

Okay, Kerry isn’t everything you wished he would be. You’re right. He’s not you! Or me. But we’re not on the ballot – Kerry is. Yes, Kerry was wrong to vote for authorization for war in Iraq but he was in step with 70% of the American public who was being lied to by Bush & Co. And once everyone learned the truth, the majority turned against the war. Kerry has had only one position on the war – he believed his president.

President Kerry had better bring the troops home right away. My prediction: Kerry’s roots are anti-war. He has seen the horrors of war and because of that he will avoid war unless it is absolutely necessary. Ask most vets. But don’t ask someone whose only horror was when he arrived too late for a kegger in Alabama.

There’s a reason Bush calls Kerry the Number One Liberal in the Senate – THAT’S BECAUSE HE IS THE NUMBER ONE LIBERAL IN THE SENATE! What more do you want? My friends, this is about as good as it gets when voting for the Democrat. We don’t have the .29 Liberal running or the .14 Liberal or even the .2 Liberal – we got .1! When has that ever happened?

Those of us who may be to the left of the .1 liberal Democrat should remember that this year conservative Democrats have had to make a far greater shift in their position to back Kerry than we have. We’re the ones always being asked to make the huge compromises and to always vote holding our noses. No nose holding this time. This .1 liberal is not the tweedledee to Bush’s tweedledum.

To Nader Voters:

See the above note.
Ralph’s own party, the Green Party, would not endorse his run this year. That’s because those of us who want to build a third party in this country know that the only way to do this is to build bridges with those who believe in the issues Nader believes in. But not one of those people will sacrifice the chance to remove George W. Bush from the White House on Tuesday. The choice here is clear: do we join with our friends, or do we piss on them?
After the debacle of 2000, the Democrats got smart and abandoned the conservative wing of their party. That’s why 8 of the 9 Democrats in the primaries this year were from the liberal wing. Ralph should take credit for that and declare victory. It’s so sad that he doesn’t realize the good he’s accomplished. But for reasons only known to him, he’s more angry at the Democrats than he is at Bush. He has lost his compass. I worry he has lost his mind. But he still gives a great speech!

And Lila Lipscomb, the mother from Flint who lost her son in Iraq, she still grieves -- as do the mothers of 1,120 others (not to mention the mothers of the 100,000 Iraqis who have died because of Bush’s war). That’s what this election is about. Not Ralph proving some point. Almost none of us on his 2000 advisory group are supporting him this year. His total lack of respect for his best friends should tell all of you something about what he really thinks of you, too.

To the Non-Swing States:

Stop listening to how your vote doesn’t count in this election and that your state is already decided for Kerry or Bush. It is critical that you vote because we not only need to give Kerry the electoral win, but he needs to have a HUGE mandate with an ENORMOUS popular vote victory as well. It will be impossible for him to get anything done for four years if there is no clear mandate. We must not only defeat Bush, we must put a stake in the heart of the right-wing, neo-con movement. If you live in New York, California, Illinois, Texas, the Northeast or the Deep South, you need to vote and you need to bring ten people with you to the polls. If you live in a state where we have the chance to elect the Democrat to the Senate or the House, you need to vote. Turn off the TV. Quit listening to news media that has a vested interest in repeating to you over and over that your vote does not count. It does.

If you have friends or relatives who live in the 30-plus non-swing states, call them and remind them how important it is that Kerry gets a massive popular vote victory.

To Non-Voters:

I understand why you stopped voting. Politicians suck. Nothing ever seems to change. You’re only one vote.
Yes, politicians suck. But so do car salesmen – and that hasn’t stopped you from buying a car. Politicians only respond to the threat of the angry mob also known as the voting public. If most people don’t vote, that’s good news for them ‘cause then they don’t have to answer to the majority.

Almost fifty percent of Americans don’t vote. That means you belong to the largest political party in America – the Non-Voting Party. That means you hold all the power to toss George W. Bush out of the Oval Office. How cool is that?

I believe that we are going to have the largest election turnout in our lifetime tomorrow. You don’t want to miss out on that. The lines at the polls are going to be long and raucous and fun. It is an historic election. You won’t want to say that you were the only one who wasn’t there. Promise me you’ll vote, just this one time.

To All First-Time Voters:

Welcome to the longest running, uninterrupted democracy on earth! You own it. It’s yours.

A few words about how messy it’s going to be tomorrow. The lines are going to be long. Bring your iPods. Better yet, bring a friend or two. The election officials have no clue just how many millions are going to show up at the polls. This will be the largest turnout in our lifetime. They don’t have enough machines. They are going to have to send for more ballots.

And they are going to make it difficult for you to vote. The new law says if this is your first time voting you must bring ID with you that matches the address you are registered at.

If for some reason they can’t find your name on the voting rolls, you have the right to ask for a provisional ballot, which you can fill out and then sort things out later.

If you have any problems at the polling place, please call 1-866-OUR-VOTE. The people there can tell you how to find the precinct where you should be voting, get you legal help if you are denied the right to vote, or answer any other questions you may have.

If you need any help figuring out the ballot, don’t be afraid to ask. If you screw up your ballot, you can ask for another one. In fact, the law allows you to screw up your ballot two times before you finally have to submit your final ballot! Be careful to vote on the line that says John F. Kerry/John Edwards. Don’t vote for more than one Presidential, Senate or House candidate or you ballot won’t be counted. If your polling place has a stub or a receipt from your ballot, make sure they give you one.

Thanks for joining us. Democracy is not a spectator sport. It only works when we all come off the bench and participate.

To African Americans:

First of all, let’s just acknowledge what you already know: America is a country which still has a race problem, to put it nicely. Al Gore would be president today had thousands of African Americans not had their right to vote stolen from them in Florida in 2000.

Here is my commitment: I will do everything I can to make sure that this will not happen again. And I’m not the only one making this pledge. Thousands of volunteer lawyers are flying to Florida to act as poll watchers and intervene should there be any attempts to deny anyone their right to vote. They will NOT be messing around.
For my part, I have organized an army of 1,200 professional and amateur filmmakers who will be armed with video cameras throughout the states of Florida and Ohio. At the first sign of criminality, we will dispatch a camera crew to where the vote fraud is taking place and record what is going on. We will put a big public spotlight on any wrongdoing by Republican officials in those two states. They will not get away with this as they did in 2000.

In Ohio, the Republicans are sending almost 2,000 paid “poll challengers” into the black precincts of Cleveland in an attempt to stop African Americans from voting. This action is beyond despicable. Do not let this stop you from voting. I, and thousand of others, will be there to fight for you and protect you.

To George W.:

I know it’s gotta be rough for you right now. Hey, we’ve all been there. “You’re fired” are two horrible words when put together in that order. Bin Laden surfacing this weekend to remind the American people of your total and complete failure to capture him was a cruel trick or treat. But there he was. 3,000 people were killed and he’s laughing in your face. Why did you stop our Special Forces from going after him? Why did you forget about bin Laden on the DAY AFTER 9/11 and tell your terrorism czar to concentrate on Iraq instead?

There he was, OBL, all tan and rested and on videotape (hey, did you get the feeling that he had a bootleg of my movie? Are there DVD players in those caves in Afghanistan?)

Speaking of my movie – can I ask you a personal question before we part ways for good on Tuesday? Why did you and your friends fund SIX “documentaries” trashing me -- but only ONE film against Kerry? C’mon, he was the candidate, not me. What a waste of your time and resources! Sure, I know what your pollsters told you, that the film had convinced some people to vote you out. I just want you to know that that was not my original intent. Funny things happen at the movies. Hope you get to see a few at the multiplex in Waco. It’s a great way to relax.

To John Kerry:

Thank you.

And don’t worry – none of us are going away after you are inaugurated. We’ll be there to hold your hand and keep you honest. Don’t let us down. We’re betting you won’t. So is the rest of the world.

That’s it. See you at the polls – and at the victory party tomorrow night.

Yours,
Michael Moore
www.michaelmoore.com
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It's pouring in Cincinnati at the moment, and it's supposed to only get worse all day. Please don't let this deter you, people. There's this nifty thing called the umbrella....

Bring your ID with you. It's not required in Ohio, but you might need it if your right to vote is challenged. (Also, the folks at WLWT have an Alert Team in place to check into anyone interfering with your right to vote. Call them at (513) 241-8315 to report any problems.

If you live in the city of Cincinnati, please, for the love of everything decent, vote YES on Issue 3. I no longer live within the city limits, so I have no vote. That's not going to stop me from bugging the living daylights out of those who do have a say in the matter.

As for me, I'll be braving the lines after work, then watching The Manchurian Candidate (the original one, thank you very much) and Fahrenheit 9/11 before I get sucked into the unending madness of the returns coverage. (I considered watching those movies for Halloween, as they are two of the scariest movies that I own. I decided to save them for tonight and watched 28 Days Later instead.)

Keep your fingers crossed, kids. It's gonna get ugly....