Soundtrack for a Glamorous Life

So tonight I sat down and tried to decide what to write about in my post. The Olympics, and the fact that the Canadians were blatantly robbed in the pairs free skate competition? The nominations for the 22nd annual Golden Raspberry Awards, and how happy I am that I didn't see a single nominated movie? The upcoming nominations for the Academy Awards? The fact that I am now pretty sure of the fact that I have broken my little toe as the result of yet another not-so-graceful move on my part?

Decisions, decisions.

While contemplating this momentous decision, I turned on my CD player for some thinking music. I had thought that I'd left Underworld's Beaucoup Fish in the player, but was surprised to instead find a mix CD that Zappagirl had burned in my honor. After controlling my wild giggling fit, I decided to go throught the tracks and explain the reasoning behind each track.

(Beware. Extreme silliness follows.)

"Baby, You're a Rich Man," the Beatles Back in June of last year, Zappagirl and I discovered we were apparently living the glamorous life and were, much to our surprise, the beautiful people. So where else would we start on this musical journey (™ Larry Mullen, Rattle and Hum) than with a song that asks "How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?" And it's the Beatles circa Magical Mystery Tour, so it makes me happy.

"The Poodle Lecture," Frank Zappa In which Frank tells us about the three big mistakes that God made: the creation of Man, the creation of Woo-man, and the invention of the poodle. Crass and funny as hell. Bring your own pair of zircon encrusted tweezers.

"Talkin' Seattle Grunge Blues," Todd Snider Possibly the funniest song written about jumping on the flannel shirt bandwagon. Pokes fun at the whole grunge scene, MTV Unplugged, and th idiocy of the music business. I feel stupid! And contagious!

"Smells Like Nirvana," Weird Al Yankovic The perfect followup to the previous track would obviously have been "Smells Like Teen Spirit," but Zappagirl doesn't own Nevermind. This parody, one of Weird Al's best, did quite nicely though. Legend has it that Kurt Cobain OKed the parody when Nirvana appeared on Saturday Night Live as long as it wouldn't be about food (like "Eat It" and "Fat").

Yikes. Guess who's seen the Weird Al episode of Behind the Music a few too many times?

"Interjections!," Schoolhouse Rock The CD collections for Schoolhouse Rock were released back when I was working with Zappagirl, and we drove everyone insane in the store by playing Grammar Rock non-stop before the store opened. And singing along at top volume. (Except for "Busy Prepositions," since that was written as an afterthought and I didn't know the words.)

"Rebirth of the Cool," Afghan Whigs Local boys do good. We met Greg Dulli (the lead singer)during after hours at the Warehouse one night, shortly before the band broke up. But that's another story....

"It's Raining Men," The Weather Girls This song still cracks me up. How we got away with performing this song in my high school show choir amazes me.

"Don't Leave Me This Way," Thelma Houston And while we're on the subject of disco music that will probably appear on Music From and Inspired By Queer as Folk... I really liked the Communards cover of this song, and used to request it at Backbeat nights, but the original is equally fun. My hands are immediately in the air as soon as she hits the "Ahhhhhhhhhhh baby!" bridge.

I have just realized that I am as cheesy as a wheel of provolone. And it only gets worse.

"Suburbia," Pet Shop Boys Zappagirl burned this mix while the riots were still fresh in everyone's minds, and we used to refer to my visits to her house as escapes to suburbia. And this is one of my favorite Pet Shop Boys songs.

"Downtown," Petula Clark See what she just did there? Suburbia? Downtown? Oh, she's so clever.

"Ft. Washington Way," WEBN Dawn Patrol I think this is a Dawn Patrol creation, but I'm not sure and it's too late to call Zappagirl for confirmation. It's a parody song to the tune of Joe Walsh's "Rocky Mountain Way" about construction traffic in downtown Cincinnati. Thankfully I didn't have to drive on Ft. Washington Way to get to my corporate hell job. It wasn't pretty.

"Nookie/Break Stuff," Richard Cheese Because you haven't lived until you've heard a lounge version of Limp Bizkit. (And he's coming to Indianapolis in May! Road trip, anyone?)

"Take a Look Around," Limp Bizkit I hate Fred Durst. But if I had a nickel for every time I caught myself singing along to a Limp Bizkit song, I wouldn't be so concerned about being unemployed. And this song's even from a movie I refused to see (Mission Impossible 2) because I despise Tom Cruise so much. But still I'm finding myself replaying this track again, and bobbing my head to the beat. Crap.

"Science Fiction Double Feature," Richard O'Brien Ok, we've talked about this. I grew up on midnight showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I know the filthiest callback lines ever thought up, and still find myself yelling them back at the television whenever VH1 shows the damn movie. I'm a big huge geek. Let's move on. And stop laughing!

"Love Rollercoaster," Red Hot Chili Peppers A cover of the Ohio Players classic, from Beavis and Butthead Do America. We had the video for this song at the Warehouse and played it so many times that the owner took the tape away from us. Hearing Anthony Kiedis say "You give me that funny feeling in my tummy..." during the intro never fails to bring a smile to my face.

"Americano," The Brian Setzer Orchestra Zappagirl and I played this song nonstop one night on the way to the Anchor Grill. It's the song that Matt Damon and Jude Law sang in The Talented Mr. Crapley...I mean, Ripley. Trust me. Skip the rental and pick up BSO's Vavoom! instead.

"Copacabana," Barry Manilow There has been many a night that we've been cruising around in Zappagirl's car with the windows rolled down and the extended mix of this song blaring from the speakers. We dance in our seats at stop lights too. Some nights we sing the real lyrics, some nights we sing the lyrics that Zappagirl wrote for the night we went to the Pope Room at Buca di Beppo.

"She Don't Use Jelly," Ben Folds Five Yes, the original version of this song was godawful. I never did get the Flaming Lips, though. This version, which appears on the Lounge-A-Palooza album, is a kicky little bossa nova tune. Much easier listening.

"Java Jive," Manhattan Transfer I love coffee, I love tea... I spent way too much time singing Manhattan Transfer songs in high school show choir. 'Nuff said.

"The Beautiful People," Marilyn Manson Because, if you haven't figured it out by now, we are the beautiful people, and Marilyn will just keep screaming it so you don't forget.


And after all this, I bet you're just wishing I'd talked about my broken toe.