Wild Kingdom

Sometimes my life is a little odd. This week has been a good example.

I had headed over to Zappagirl's house Monday night to watch movies. Both of us were dragging a bit and we were discussing making a pot of coffee before we ordered a pizza to nosh on while we watched Con Air. And then Zappagirl opened her mail, and started jumping up and down like she'd won the lottery.

"Omigod! Omigod! Look what I got!"

She was holding a paper doll cutout, brightly colored and laminated. Accompanying him was a letter explaining that his name was Flat Stanley, he was vacationing from Virginia, and she was supposed to show him the sights of Cincinnati.

Since Zappagirl and I are overgrown kids, we took the project to heart. Within an hour, Flat Stanley had a blog, an email address, and was en route to Best Buy in search off a digital camera. Yup, Zappagirl's cousin is so getting an A on this project.

Zappagirl had the next day off, so we decided to take Flat Stanley to the zoo. After having lunch with my mother (who works there), we trekked off in search of animal adventure. And a few hours later, we had 60 or so pictures of various animals and a few quite laughable stories...

- We discovered we could stick Flat Stanley to exhibit glass long enough to take a picture if he was moistened first. As a result, we have pictures of him swimming with the penguins, getting mauled by a Siberian lynx, and watching the manatees have lunch. I'm sure the keepers are wondering why the glass was so smeary, but...

- Peacocks are not bright. (We already knew this, but...) After watching a male display his impressive tail for a quite uninterested female for at least 20 minutes, we felt the need to tell him quite loudly, "Dude! Give it up! She doesn't want you!"

- Spring was most definitely in the air. We must have interrupted something at the white cheeked gibbon display, because the male came over, pressed his hands against the glass, and bared his teeth in a threatening manner until we left. The male Siberian lynx simply sprayed everything in sight. But the weirdest discovery was when we reached the Nocturnal House and realized that while we were observing the vampire bats (and chanting "Drink the blood! Drink the blood!" like a couple of idiots), that two of the bats were having sex. Eww. But it was like a trainwreck. We were riveted, especially when the male... um... finished and then moved on to the next available female. It was like bat porno. I felt dirty.

- It's more than a little startling when a polar bear appears out of nowhere and swims right at you while you're at the underwater observation window. Both Zappagirl and I screamed when his giant paws hit the glass right at our eye level. Yikes.

We left as the zoo was closing, and took the back roads on the way home to avoid rush hour traffic. At an intersection near Zappagirl's house, we came upon a kitten cowering in the roadway. To avoid hitting her, we stopped the car, in hopes that she would get out of the street. The kitten had other ideas, and decided hiding under the car would be a better plan. So we turned on the flashers, hopped out of the car and tried to coax the kitten out from underneath the car. Eventually Zappagirl was able to grab the scruff of her neck and pull her out, and handed her over to me so I could hold her while we checked nearby houses for possible owners. No one in the neighborhood recognized her or claimed her, so we continued on to the nearby vet.

Meanwhile, this adorable little kitten was purring her head off and I was turning into a puddle of feline-loving goo in the passenger seat.

The vet hadn't received any reports of a missing kitten either, but did a quick visual check on her, and verified that she looked healthy and parasite free. We made an appointment to get a full checkup, and the kitten came home with me.

I'd been thinking about getting a second cat anyway. I feel bad leaving Ma Huang alone when I'm out, and cats do better when they have someone to play with. I'd already considered taking one of the kittens from the new litter at Rosencrantz and Guildenstern's house, but Life apparently had other plans for me.

At this point, Ma Huang and Kismet (that's what she told me her name was, and I found it quite fitting) are curious about each other, but more than a little wary. Much hissing has ensued over the last two days. The growling, for the most part, has stopped. There have only been two physical altercations, which consisted of one taking a swat at the other, then both of them running off in opposite directions with severe cases of poofy tail. Yesterday, Ma Huang spent the entire day in my bedroom, while Kismet stayed in the living room. Today they're both roaming free, but giving each other plenty of room. (As I type this, Ma Huang is curled up and sleeping on my futon, while Kismet is stretched out and snoozing underneath the futon.) I'm sure things are going to work out, but it's going to take a little time to adjust.

This was not what I had planned for the week. I'm just looking upon her as an early birthday gift from the universe.